i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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