3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
