Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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