It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
