dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
