Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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