Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
