i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Green mimosas i think yes
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
