I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
