do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
