HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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