No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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