drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
