Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
