i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
