for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
