I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
