I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
