I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
