remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
What drink are we having for lunch?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
