he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
