You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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