I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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