last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
