I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
