you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
