You made me cry and you don't even care
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
