Whod you bang
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
