I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
time to smoke my breakfast
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
