I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
