thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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