Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
