So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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