Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Houston, we have a squirter
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
