11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
