We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
