Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
