take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
