Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
