Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
it's great music for shaving your balls
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
