after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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