my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
