I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
