I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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