I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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