I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
