So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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