i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Ketchup is God's man juice
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
