The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
