giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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