the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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