Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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