Moan for me like Helen Keller
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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