Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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