Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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