i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
