Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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