i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
