My girlfriend figured out who you are.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
