your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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