Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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